If you've ever been on an elevator and expected it to crash or checked your closet for a Klingon, you know that movies can often affect the way we perceive the real world. Here are just some of the "lessons" that movies have taught us about life.

7. If You Really Love Someone, it's Only a Matter of Time Before They Get Cancer

Movies are all about the connections between characters. However, directors hate to see anyone getting too close. Usually, moments after our heroes have overcome some great challenge, one of them happens to feel a little sick. Then, taking the most logical course of action, assumes the worst and immediately orders a barrage of intrusive (read butt-exploration) tests. The next scene shows our hero receiving a letter. We already know the truth - it definitely won't contain pizza coupons or shampoo samples.

As Seen In

Terms of Endearment, Brian's Song, My Life Without Me

How It Affects You

Waiting for the results of a medical test is agonizing at best. It doesn't matter if you're just waiting for the results of a routine blood test, you're paranoid the results will show you developing 6 forms of testicular cancer, Leprosy as well as Lyme (and Lemon) disease. We can wait a few days to have our photos developed, getting test results is where we need one hour turnaround damnit!

6. Inter-species Sex is a Good Idea

There's nothing like being crammed in a spaceship for months on end to get you feeling randy. And, if human females are in short supply, a bit of alien bedonkadonk seems extremely appealing. This is all well and good, but here's where the logic breaks down. When exploring a mysterious cave, our hero insists on donning full body armour and clutching a plasma rifle. The same character also decides that going bareback with an alien chick is okay.

As Seen In

Star Trek, Earth Girls Are Easy

How It Affects You

Admittedly, there is something alluring about a humanoid alien female. Women of this planet seem to have given up on you, so the next logical move is to seek out aliens who have never heard of dating jocks or developed a resistance to body odour. Conventional sex can be tricky at best - so imagine being presented with eight holes and a tentacle. As a guy, you'll probably avoid asking for directions and just start playing around with stuff. Human females seem to have developed a resistance to anal sex - imagine the reaction when you accidentally put it in an alien chick's gills.

5. Weepy, Emo Monologues Drop Panties Like Nothing Else

One of the most predictable moments in any romantic movie is the heart-felt love declaration from the main character. For some reason, this never takes the form of: "I enjoy your company and wouldn't mind seeing you on a semi-regular basis". Instead, the character states that his life is essentially worthless without the object of his affection. What's more surprising is that, instead of pepper spraying and crotch-kicking the guy, the woman seems genuinely flattered and her travel/job/life plans become expendable.

As Seen In

Every romance movie ever

How It Affects You

Whenever you see an attractive woman, you immediately picture the soul-gushing monologue that you would deliver in great detail and her responding by making you her sex slave. The reason your speech didn't work on the LAST girl was that it simply didn't expose enough of your inner child. You also believe that your last 7 restraining orders were unjustified.

4. Always Wait Until it Rains to Have a Confrontation with Someone

If you need to initiate a conversation over a touchy subject, you must wait until it is raining. No, a light drizzle won't cut it; we're talking an Amazonian downpour here - the kind where your choda is soaked before you reach your mailbox. Never bring an umbrella and avoiding wearing appropriate clothing for the conditions. Also, never stand close enough to the person that you can be heard without having to raise your voice to a high-pitched squeal.

As Seen In

Sweet November, The Notebook, Magnolia

How It Affects You

God forbid you're driving somewhere with a significant other and it starts to rain. You picture yourself slamming on the brakes and running out of the car. When he or she catches up to you, you start screaming about how you were never hugged as a child or got over your fear of socks.